A Very Official Ranking Of Celebrity Dog Names

A Very Official Ranking Of Celebrity Dog Names

North West just named her dog Sushi. Where does it land?

A nation has waited with baited breath after Kim Kardashian posted a Twitter poll of what North should name her new puppy. The options were Baby Jesus, Peachy Pop (Peaches), Sushi and Goldie. After 233,969 votes, the people voted for Peachy Pop. But of course North doesn’t have to listen to the masses. The dog’s name is Sushi.

Naming a dog must be done with care. The name has to fit the dog’s personality, but also say something about who you are as an owner and a person. And if you’re a celebrity it’s even more important, as you’ll have wackjobs like me rank your dogs’ names. Which you can read below.

(All judgments are non-binding, as every dog is beautiful and perfect.)

1

Literally All Of Martha Stewart’s Dogs

Ok, let’s go from right to left. On the right is Westminster Best in Breed winner Genghis Khan II, because of course. Then we’ve got Qin, and in the middle Peluche, which is Spanish for “teddy.” Then we’ve got BETTE NOIR, which, take a moment to think about that. Bette Noir is French for “Black Betty,” which is already cute, but a “bĂŞte noire” is a pet peeve, which means she literally named a pet Peeve. Finally there’s Creme BrĂ»lĂ©e, and of course Martha took care on Instagram to get all the accents right. Martha operating on a different level.

 


2

Gary Fisher

It’s always great when a dog has the name of an old man. Gary Fisher was the constant companion of his late owner, Carrie Fisher, and still posts about missing her on Instagram. Impossible to officially rank, as every time I think about him I start crying.

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3

Giggy Vanderpump

If you’re going to have a dog that looks like a Muppet, it needs to have a Muppet name. Lisa Vanderpump knew this when naming Giggy, whose interests appear to include being chauffeured in designer purses and wearing tuxedos.


4

Dodger

What a classic name. Old fashioned without being stiff, perfect for an active, friendly dog. Of course this is Captain America’s dog. We’re just jealous he gets to kiss Evans’ face.

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5

Finn

Finn, Amanda Seyfried’s dog, seems introspective but still playful, and certainly a woodsy type. As such, his name isn’t too showy, but just unique enough to make you remember him.


6

Hobbs

Did The Rock really name his French Bulldog after his character in the Fast & the Furious franchise? Okay, he’s the Rock so we’ll allow it. But Hobbs, who enjoys jumping at the Rock’s feet when he’s dressed in a giant Pikachu costume, seems nothing like his action movie namesake.

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7

Norman and Bambi

Kylie Jenner’s Italian Greyhounds, Norman (or Normie) and Bambi, have their own Instagram, and they’re fittingly delicate names for delicate dogs. However, we’ve still never seen Bambi in Bambi Pose.


8

Chunk Handler

Chelsea Handler’s dog has a life of his own on Twitter, and while the name sounds a little aggressive, what else would we expect from his owner? Seems like a difficult name to call, but if he’s busy writing memoirs he’s not going to answer to that anyway.

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9

Neville Jacobs

Marc Jacobs’ dog has nerdy but chic name, just like Neville Longbottom, which we’re going to assume is his namesake. Anyway, get out of the trash, Neville!


10

Wacha Cohen

I think this is supposed to sound like “Watch What” as in “Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen” but it’s just falling short. The good news is Wacha is beautiful and wears lots of bandanas. What a good boy.